How to deal with people judging you because you're vegan
And in life, in general
Let’s talk about how to handle hate.
Is hate specific to veganism? No.
Will you at some point experience hate for being vegan? Yes.
Even more so if you decide to post on social media.
The most difficult thing about being vegan is the SOCIAL aspect.
This is both inward and outward. Two examples:
Inward difficulty: Watching people around you eat dead animals.
Outward difficulty: People judging you and hating on you for being vegan.
Both the inward and outward aspects are tough to handle. But we will talk about this outward aspect today.
Why do people hate vegans?
Two words: cognitive dissonance. This is the mental discomfort we exprience when we hold contradictory beliefs at the same time. I’m sure you’ve heard of this term before if you’re vegan.
For some people, being in the presence of someone who is vegan forces THEM to question THEIR lifestyle. They think we’re being self-righteous. In our view, being vegan is moral. In their view, it is unfounded.
No one wants to feel like they’re wrong.
The people who lash out at vegans are the ones who know, deep down, that eating animals does not align with their moral compass. But they like meat! So instead of digging deeper and understanding why being around vegans makes them uncomfortable, they choose to spew hate.
If you’re vegan and you’ve recevied hate from someone for your lifestyle: it’s a reflection of them, NOT a reflection of you.
But it’s important to note: Many people (and in my experience: most) are mature enough to be kind, normal people around those who hold different values than they do. Most people in my life are not vegan. I love them and they love me :)
So this blog post refers to the extreme cases of people who choose to be hateful towards vegans.
With that out of the way, let’s get tactical.
These tactics are useful for vegans and non-vegans in any situation that is hateful.
Someone’s hating on you. Here’s what you can do.
Ask questions.
Ask someone who’s being hateful “Why do you think this way?” And they’ll say “I don’t know, I just do!” Then ask “But why?” and they’ll get frustrated because they’ll realize they don’t have a good response.
Asking questions forces the person to look inward and question why THEY think this way. You’re not going to get through to them and they won’t change their mind in that instance. But it will end the conversation.
Listen calmy.
Sometimes hateful people just want to get a rise out of you. Listen quietly, let them say their piece, and move on. Don’t give them that satisfaction.
Be kind and respectful. You might just surprise them.
Diffuse hate with kindness. I always choose kindness when replying to comments on social media (even when I don’t feel like it!) and countless times haters have replied back with something along the lines of “Oh, I’m sorry, you seem nice. Have a good day!”
Keep living your life and doing what works for you.
Don’t let the haters get you down. Success (and happiness) is the best revenge.
Know that people only criticize those who they think are doing more than them.
Don’t be the one to tear down other people’s views.
As mentioned, choose to be kind. Even when it’s hard. I promise you that this will take your further than if you choose to respond back with hate.
Have the courage to set boundaries.
For example, my friend Mo (@vegankungfu) has rules for himself when replying to hate comments on social media. Sticking to these rules helps him take care of his own mental health. For more on how Mo handles trolls and sets boundaries as a vegan, check out the latest episode of the Friendly Veg Podcast (YouTube, Apple Podcasts).
Remind yourself that it’s a reflection of THEM, not a reflection of you.
I do my best to use all these tactics. But my current favourite is asking questions. My partner does this all the time to me when I’ve shared an opinion (unrelated to veganism) that I haven’t fully thought out. I find it incredibly annoying, but he really forces me to look inward and better understand why I feel the way I do! This is also a tactic that Mo uses when dealing with trolls on social media. The podcast episode featuring Mo is seriously a gold mine. Listen to it if you want to feel grounded, valued, and learn more about vegan activism.