How to be friends with non-vegans, without losing your mind
Don't make "being vegan" your identity.
Manta asked me: why not just be friends with other vegans? Manta, this is a fair question. My answer is pretty short, because I’ve known most of my friends for over 10 years.
To choose to be only friends with vegans would result in me losing nearly my entire social circle.
I don’t choose friends based on whether or not they’re vegan. I choose friends based on whether or not we share common interests.
I have friends I play soccer with, friends who also work in machine learning, friends from school, etc.
It’s hard enough to make friends as is. Let’s not make it more difficult by only being friends with vegans. So let’s talk more about how you can be friends with non-vegans without losing your mind.
Don’t let your veganism define you.
If you wanna be friends with non-vegans (and you should!), don’t let your veganism define you. Here’s how this can help:
If you derive your self worth only from your veganism, this will lead to an “us vs them” mentality. You will, (sub)consciously categorize people into “vegan” or “not vegan.” “Like me” or “not like me”. “Good” or “bad”. If you do this, you will come across very unfriendly in your interactions. It’ll make you frustrated. And less able to befriend non-vegans.
Instead: Think of people as “good” by default. And “omg yay, even better!!” if they are vegan. This is what I do.
Don’t just stop with this well-rounded perspecive of yourself. Remind yourself that other people are multi-dimensional, just like you! Just because someone isn’t vegan, doesn’t mean they can’t be your friend.
Tip: Focus on, and get excited about, your shared common interests.
Know that when people comment on veganism, they’re not attacking you. If you don’t let veganism define you, you will take it less personally when people say mean things about veganism. They’re just making a comment on, or asking a question about, something they don’t quite fully understand.
This perspective will help you respond gently and with compassion.
Being a quiet, friendly vegan *is* activism.
Did you know: being friends with non-vegans can be activism? As a quiet, friendly vegan, you:
Lead by positive example.
Show your friends how much you enjoy being vegan. And how much you’re thriving.
Make the vegan versions of your friends’ favourite dishes. And ideally you will laugh it off if the dish doesn’t come out perfectly. (Because sometimes the non-vegan version doesn’t taste as good!).
By gently introducing people to veganism, this makes them more open to it in general. Show people how normal being vegan can be. Make them intruigied. And they might start to do their own research. At this point, they might be ready for “harsh” activism and will want to learn about the cruelty of animal agriculture.
Some people in your life might never go vegan. That’s ok. But there are some people in your life that might make the connection. Be open and kind, for them. 🐮
I shared my perspective with you. But what do other vegans think?
Ask them! Join our community of 200+ friendly vegans and friends :)
Just as a side note to the ending.. It's good to quit trying to make mock dishes, eat as it is possible as a vegan to rather then try to make a mock dish.. don't live as memories of an omnivore! Though a hamburger as a veg sandwich is obviously attainable.